It's like jumping off a cliff into water below, it's your first time, and you're with someone amazing, someone you could never imagine would be standing next to you. But they are. And they’ve been through this before, but even in their heads they know it's not the same. This time is different. Or maybe they just say that to make you feel better. But it works. It made you feel better, special, invincible, maybe that’s what propelled you forward. Made you jump first. Maybe it wasn’t. You don’t know. All you know for sure is while you're in the air, falling, you think of him. The one who moments before was by your side. You picture his crystal blue eyes, his soft brown hair, and you think of how perfect he is. How much you think of this boy, who you realize at one point was just a boy, but is now your world. You think of his lips on yours, how they feel like home, his arms when they're around you, and you feel safe. As you're falling you feel safe, and it's an amazing feeling. You realize how happy he makes you, and you start to forget that you're falling into water and not into his arms. Because he's all that’s on your mind. He's in your heart, mind and soul. You don’t think of how unhealthy it is that he consumes you. I want you to know exactly how im feeling. Because it's his eyes that hold promise, and love, it's something you don’t ever want to lose or to look away from. They are the loveliest blue eyes. I don’t feel like I'm falling without him because he's all that’s on my mind and it feels like he's right beside me. It’s a terrifying feeling I think of now, the feeling of what is at the end of the fall, I never asked him before I leapt. Maybe that was my first mistake. Or maybe my first mistake was jumping in the first place. But he promised he'd catch me. He promised he'd never hurt me. But how can you promise such a thing. Maybe his intent was to catch me, but it was me who jumped first, and we were falling just as hard and just as fast. And maybe as he was falling he realized it wasn’t me he wanted to catch in the end. I wasn’t worth catching. But to me he was worth catching. And as I was thinking about a life at the end of the fall with him he was thinking about climbing back up that cliff and jumping again, this time with a more beautiful girl. Someone he would be proud to call his. So I didn’t expect it.
I didn’t expect the end of the fall. Falling into something ice cold. It took the wind out of me and I felt as if I was dying, yet even though my body was about to shut down on itself, to give up. It thought of him, it craved him, so it broke through the water, into the air, the same air he breathed and I accepted him with open arms. And I caught him. He was safe. Happy. Carefree. I didn’t tell him how much it had hurt me, and that it had killed me inside, but he breathed the air back into me to catch him. That the thought of him not feeling pain made my pain bearable. I didn’t tell him any of this because he wasn’t in my arms long enough for me to say it. He began to swim away. I couldn’t see who he was swimming to, but I could tell it wasn’t me. Because he wasn’t still feeling the pain of falling for someone, the numb feeling it gives you, where you can't do anything but love them. And I guess that’s what it feels like to fall in love. It's one person who at the end is left feeling the pain, because it hurts when they're gone, and they’ll never know that. You're stuck there, with nothing. Nothing but the memory of the blue eyes boy with the soft brown hair, the lips that feel like home and the arms you never want to leave.
